Why are women attracted to psychopaths?

Kilgrave - a psychotic, narcissist with the ability to mind control anyone he comes into contact with. Armed with this power and a charming smile, Kilgrave swans through life getting anything and anyone he wants.
Many women swoon over him and not by force, some just fall victim to his irresistible charms... it also doesn't help that this fictional character is played by David Tennant.

Attractions to psychopaths, both real and fictional is an ongoing thing that occurs in many women throughout the world and the ongoing question is why? Why are women attracted to the bad guys and why do the chase the wild side in life but then complain when their calls and emails are not returned?

Carrie Remier, author of Lady With a Truck blog, asked a self professed psychopath to air his views on the situation. 

Myers, first goes on to explain that psychopaths are charming and cunningly deceitful, using manipulation to mould the emotions of others in order to get what it is they desire. Psychopaths also live on the wild side of life and to a women with a mundane life, a 9-5 job and no partner, this is exciting at first glance. They are also mysterious which draws women in. Myers explains that the reason psychopaths appear mysterious is because most of the things they tell are clever lies and they are usually deliberately vague. This helps to build up this curiosity a women may have.

Most women do not go out seeking abusive relationships, Myers states, however, psychopath's characteristics - Charm, mystery, callousness, loneliness, financial success, fearlessness and manipulative qualities - are all related to this 'tall, dark and handsome' theme that is portrayed by many men in the media (such as Kilgrave from Marvel's Netflix series Jessica Jones).

Myers also admits that psychopaths usually don't even take into account the attractiveness of the person they are with, they will instead take into account the persons self esteem and their family support. Someone with low self esteem and a poor family network is more likely to be a target for a psychopath as they can sense the vulnerability of the 'victim'.

Sherlock - a high functioning Sociopath according to himself (do your research!), but, it turns out that Sociopath isn't even recognised in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders). Psychopath, however, is.

Stepping aside form the comments made by Myers. I decided to briefly examine the difference between a 'Sociopath' and a 'Psychopath'. A quick Google search of 'define Sociopath' brings up a lovely definition:

sociopath

ˈsəʊsɪə(ʊ)paθ,ˈsəʊʃɪə(ʊ)-/

noun

1. a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behaviour.

This graph also shows that the use of this word has accelerated in the last 50 years, especially after 2010 when Sherlock was introduced to the BBC.

psychopath

ˈsʌɪkəpaθ/

noun

1. a person suffering from chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behaviour.

There is a slight difference with Google's definition of the two but according to psychologist Maria Konnikova - they are both the same thing.

Back to Myer. He explains that very few psychopaths are actually serial killers and most are 'charismatic thrill seekers who do take what they want when they want it'. 

One of the main things women are attracted to is that psychopaths can give you what you need. This fills their ego as they know they have you on a string but you have to be careful and be aware that this string can tighten and can become a restraining leash.

As a psychopath, he gives advice to women, saying that you should avoid relationships with psychopaths at all costs. You may think you can handle it but there is a lot more behind what they tell you and what you can see. Click here to read original article

Now we've heard from a psychopath himself about what lures people towards 'his kind', let's take a look at what psychologists have to say about this attraction towards them.

Hybristophillia (also known as Bonnie and Clyde syndrome) is the term given to the paraphilla in which sexual arousal is responsive to being with a partner know to have committed an outrage, have been cheating, to have lied, who is known for infidelities or crime such as rape, murder or armed robbery. 

Some of the causes behind this include (reasons offered by women who have dated or married male serial killers):

- They believe they can change someone as powerful and cruel as a serial killer

- They see the 'little boy' that killer may have been and they seek to nurture him

- Some even hoped to get movie or book deals out of these relationships

Another reason that has been offered is that mental health experts have compared the attraction to such killers to a form of fanaticism. 

Psychologist Leon F. Seltzer suggests that the attraction of such individuals arises from evolutionary psychology. When we were simple primitives with the desire to mate to continue our species, as women, psychopaths are prime examples of Alpha males. These types of males were good at protecting offspring in our ancestors history and nowadays, women may unconsciously be attracted to these 'alpha males', despite knowing it is extremely unwise to do date them or carry out any form of relationship with one. Women throughout history have typically had a preference for a dominant male in which psychopaths can be. 

I wanted to look into Hybristophilla a bit more for this post so I dived into the depths of Tumblr (big mistake) and discovered that there are a worrying number of blogs dedicated the Bonnie and Clyde syndrome, praising murders such as Jeffery Dahmer and Ted Bundy. The more I discover about this, the more real it becomes. 

There are women out there who fantasise about marrying their favourite serial killers, there are women who will marry psychopaths and date them even though they know that their life and emotions could be at risk.

I asked a question on my Facebook: How should we reduce this attraction that women have towards dangerous men? (aka psychopaths) and these are some of the responses I received. 

"Women always moan about not having a nice guy or not being able to find one but when it comes down to it, they would rather choose the bad guy, with the mindset that they can change them into their hero. Trust me, you can't. People are born good or evil, not both" - Michael Davis

"Bad guys are desired because they aren't as boring and predictable as law abiding 'good guys'. Perhaps making people see that there's a difference between doing something slightly bad and murdering someone" - Andrew Exley

"How about looking at society/culture? Look at how people rever the Krays in film and popularise psychopathic behavious: Malcom Tuker, Batman and the Joker. All the best characters in TV and film are borderline psychotic. That's why Batman is less boring and goody-goody than Superman" - Bryony Page

Thank you to everybody who contributed to this blog post and thank you to Carrie Remier, author of Lady With a Truck blog for supplying us with information from a psychopath named Myers.

If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to contact me via email: ellie897123@gmail.com

- Ellie